I hate doing this. Y'all are going to get sick of me repeating myself.
[Random Fact: Our electric just flickered. Why? The AC kicked on.]
But I keep having to remind myself that God is totally in control of my life, whether I like it or not. And don't get me wrong, I love that He is. Because all I do is make make a mess of it.
Someone* posted a picture, and gave a really awesome quote with it. But, me being me, I rephrased it. =]
Never mind the past. There's a good reason that it didn't make the cut for your future.
And I love that soooo dag-gone much! It reminds me that God's got an awesome plan for me, and that my life is changing for a really good reason. Someday, I'll meet the man I'm supposed to spend my forever with, assuming I haven't already. And that's true for us all. And honestly, I'm super excited for it. I adore love. I love the feeling of falling in love, and then the moments where you're with them, and they do something to make it happen all over again. I love making them happy, and making them love me. Yes, it hurts sometimes, and all love is tested. But true love keeps going.
So that's the end of that ramble. 8-)
I found out last night that Mummy reads my blog! And she approves! Mummy's fairly (super) private, and I'm obviously really open with my life, which sometimes includes hers. I'm sooooo super crazy excited that she likes it!
And random people are starting to tell me that they read my blog! I real appreciate it. It's very encouraging, and makes all the time worth it. But frankly, I'd still blog. Even if no one in the world ever read it. Because I think it's good for me. And that's what's important now. Me. =]
*Hailee Alexander. [Thank you!]
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Moving On.
"I'm moving on! At last I can see that life has been patiently waiting for me."
Rascal Flatts. (I love them)
A certain guy told me that he was ready to move on, but was nervous to try. Now, now... It doesn't work like that.
They weren't kidding when they said "love hurts!" Nope. They meant every bit of it. And yes, we get hurt while in a relationship, but we can usually forgive and forget. But it's a little (lot) harder when you're left behind, or when you have to do the leaving. You had you a good cry, come good chocolate, and a good Reese Witherspoon marathon (sound familiar?).
Eventually, though, you put your big girl panties on, and knew that you had to get off the couch, and move on with your life. Because work, kids, church, school (etc...) doesn't wait. Life doesn't wait. Which can be a good help! Even if you dread going about and not seeing them, or you dread coming home (this is me!) because you know you won't talk on the phone with them.
But for the time being, while you're out, you can move your focus. And admit it... It's great!
So now that you know you can make it on your own (but you know you're not really alone), you can start to really "move on". It's hard. Because the person who once meant everything to you now has to mean not-so-much. You have to stop loving them. And it sucks! You throw your "normal" out the window. Get used to it. Find YOUR own personal normal. The one you keep consistently.
Now, you're ready for a new significant other! Not really...
You haven't really moved on until:
[go love someone]
Rascal Flatts. (I love them)
A certain guy told me that he was ready to move on, but was nervous to try. Now, now... It doesn't work like that.
They weren't kidding when they said "love hurts!" Nope. They meant every bit of it. And yes, we get hurt while in a relationship, but we can usually forgive and forget. But it's a little (lot) harder when you're left behind, or when you have to do the leaving. You had you a good cry, come good chocolate, and a good Reese Witherspoon marathon (sound familiar?).
Eventually, though, you put your big girl panties on, and knew that you had to get off the couch, and move on with your life. Because work, kids, church, school (etc...) doesn't wait. Life doesn't wait. Which can be a good help! Even if you dread going about and not seeing them, or you dread coming home (this is me!) because you know you won't talk on the phone with them.
But for the time being, while you're out, you can move your focus. And admit it... It's great!
So now that you know you can make it on your own (but you know you're not really alone), you can start to really "move on". It's hard. Because the person who once meant everything to you now has to mean not-so-much. You have to stop loving them. And it sucks! You throw your "normal" out the window. Get used to it. Find YOUR own personal normal. The one you keep consistently.
Now, you're ready for a new significant other! Not really...
You haven't really moved on until:
- The anger is gone.
- You can think of what happened, and not cry.
- The pain of the break up is no longer there. (That's not to say you won't have scars, but the basic sting is gone)
- You want only good for them in their life. You feel no more malice or bitterness.
[go love someone]
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Rebecca.
So someone (guess who!) brought it to my attention that I haven't yet mentioned Becca in any of my posts. How terrible of me! So. Here we go.
Becca has always been my favorite. We're 2 of 7 grand kids, and we're the only girls. We're 4 months, and 1 week apart, but I'm the oldest. Even though she doesn't need it (usually) I feel like I have to watch over her. But she does the same for me, and I usually do need it!
We've even got names for each other. She's Dolly, because she "got girly" before I did, and I made fun of her for acting like a porcelain doll. And when we were really little, she over complicated 'Kelsey', and it became Kelshki.
She's done her wrong, and made her mistakes, and she's moving on. I'm sooo very proud of her. I love her dearly, and I can't wait to see where she goes in her life.
She needs to know that I'm always here for her, and she frequently takes advantage of that. Not in a bad way, she just uses her resources. She also needs to know that no matter what she decides to do, I'll stand behind her. I'll do anything she every needs me to do. I love her dearly, and I always will.
It almost sounds like I should be a guy talking to his girlfriend. But that's ok. Becca knows I don't mean it like that. And everyone else should, too. =]
We've gone through everything together. Absolutely everything. And it better stay that way.
[ah-me?]
Becca has always been my favorite. We're 2 of 7 grand kids, and we're the only girls. We're 4 months, and 1 week apart, but I'm the oldest. Even though she doesn't need it (usually) I feel like I have to watch over her. But she does the same for me, and I usually do need it!
We've even got names for each other. She's Dolly, because she "got girly" before I did, and I made fun of her for acting like a porcelain doll. And when we were really little, she over complicated 'Kelsey', and it became Kelshki.
She's done her wrong, and made her mistakes, and she's moving on. I'm sooo very proud of her. I love her dearly, and I can't wait to see where she goes in her life.
She needs to know that I'm always here for her, and she frequently takes advantage of that. Not in a bad way, she just uses her resources. She also needs to know that no matter what she decides to do, I'll stand behind her. I'll do anything she every needs me to do. I love her dearly, and I always will.
It almost sounds like I should be a guy talking to his girlfriend. But that's ok. Becca knows I don't mean it like that. And everyone else should, too. =]
We've gone through everything together. Absolutely everything. And it better stay that way.
[ah-me?]
A Letter to Me.
Ok. So there are things I need to admit to myself. No matter how much other people tell me, it will never sink in until I tell myself. Some of this will be hard for me, so (assuming I don't cry on, and thus short my keyboard) don't judge if my typing gets sketchy.
Dear Kelsey,
Sweetie... The past few months has been hard. But that's how it goes. Last year, as measured from Camp 2010-Camp 2011was an amazing year. It's about time things get rough. It's just the way it works out. But!! That's no excuse! However, it'll get better.
Josh is gone. He does NOT (romantically) love you. He has not and will not forgive you anytime soon for the things he thinks you did. You know the truth, and he will one day. He's not mad at you, he doesn't hate you. But the two of you are over. You're on to separate lives, nd the lives God planned for you. So turn off Walk the Line, Sweet Home Alabama, and Legally Blonde. Did you even notice you've had a Reese Witherspoon marathon? C'mon, darling! Pull it together. And you pretend your cuddle pillow is someone else. And that's perfectly ok. Enjoy that. =]
You're a college student now! You're leagally a grown up, and you'll have home work. You'll have to study. Good luck. Remember, Dave offered to help with math, so you'll be fine.
Meet people! Seriously you can't just sit at a table, and blog while nibbling on you KFC. For the moment though, it's all good. Because you're currently surrounded by people you don't know, and Lucas. Ha ha ha.
You can do this. You'll be ok! I swear!
Dear Kelsey,
Sweetie... The past few months has been hard. But that's how it goes. Last year, as measured from Camp 2010-Camp 2011was an amazing year. It's about time things get rough. It's just the way it works out. But!! That's no excuse! However, it'll get better.
Josh is gone. He does NOT (romantically) love you. He has not and will not forgive you anytime soon for the things he thinks you did. You know the truth, and he will one day. He's not mad at you, he doesn't hate you. But the two of you are over. You're on to separate lives, nd the lives God planned for you. So turn off Walk the Line, Sweet Home Alabama, and Legally Blonde. Did you even notice you've had a Reese Witherspoon marathon? C'mon, darling! Pull it together. And you pretend your cuddle pillow is someone else. And that's perfectly ok. Enjoy that. =]
You're a college student now! You're leagally a grown up, and you'll have home work. You'll have to study. Good luck. Remember, Dave offered to help with math, so you'll be fine.
Meet people! Seriously you can't just sit at a table, and blog while nibbling on you KFC. For the moment though, it's all good. Because you're currently surrounded by people you don't know, and Lucas. Ha ha ha.
You can do this. You'll be ok! I swear!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
My List.
Alright. This is my official list of I don't know what. Just random things, I suppose.
I want a man who loves God. A man who is willing to make the decisions, and be the eader the Bible tells him to be. A man who will love me, and not give up on our relationship if things get rough. A man who, if things get rough, stick with me, and who will be willing to work through it. No matter what it takes. Counseling, therapy, or a weekend away to work things through. But I want someone who's in it for the long haul. I don't need to go out all the time. I don't need to get gifts or flowers all the time. I know I'm young, but I want to meet the man I'll marry. I want to settle down, because I'm confident that I can still finish school. I want love and commitment. I'm ready. Don't get me wrong. I want to go out with my guy. I want to go out with my friends, and our friends. I want to host parties, and (insert sport of choice) parties. But I don't need to be a busy body. Oh! And when we get married, I want his knees to go weak. And if he could maybe tear up would be awesome.
*[If you know a guy who may meet the qualifications above, send me an emailwith his name and email, and I'll send him an application for the position of Kelsey's Boyfriend. If the application meets my standards, I'll call him in for an interview. I appreciate your help.]
I want to teach high school English/Literature. My teacher was a big influence in my life, and made a hugh difference. I want to do that for other kids. And I will.
I want to live in a nice house, with my nice hubby, our nice kids, and our nice pets. I want to live in a nice town. In my head, I live in a small town that has restuaraunts and shops and such all within walking distance of my nice home, I want to go to a nice church where my husband is a pastor or preacher or something like such. I want to teach Sunday School, or whatnot. I want to be very involved in my church. I don't need to have a lot of money, or a lot of toys. I just want a lot of love from my family, and I want to give out a lot of love.
I currently live a fairly peaceful life. Aside from a few hiccups in my serenity, and really... only one major disaster, nothing happens that I can't breeze through. I guess you could say that I do pretty well with rolling with the punches. And like I said, I've really only had a couple things that really tore me up. If I could maintain my tranquility, I wouldn't complain.
So really, I guess this turned out to be a list of wants. I really don't think I'm asking for a lot. Oh well. I'm sure I'll keep adding to my list as I mature, and go on. So keep checking in!
*Of course, I'm being sarcastic. But if you want to take me seriously, have at it. Go for it. Knock yourself out. Have a hay day. Enjoy.
[love one another]
I want a man who loves God. A man who is willing to make the decisions, and be the eader the Bible tells him to be. A man who will love me, and not give up on our relationship if things get rough. A man who, if things get rough, stick with me, and who will be willing to work through it. No matter what it takes. Counseling, therapy, or a weekend away to work things through. But I want someone who's in it for the long haul. I don't need to go out all the time. I don't need to get gifts or flowers all the time. I know I'm young, but I want to meet the man I'll marry. I want to settle down, because I'm confident that I can still finish school. I want love and commitment. I'm ready. Don't get me wrong. I want to go out with my guy. I want to go out with my friends, and our friends. I want to host parties, and (insert sport of choice) parties. But I don't need to be a busy body. Oh! And when we get married, I want his knees to go weak. And if he could maybe tear up would be awesome.
*[If you know a guy who may meet the qualifications above, send me an emailwith his name and email, and I'll send him an application for the position of Kelsey's Boyfriend. If the application meets my standards, I'll call him in for an interview. I appreciate your help.]
I want to teach high school English/Literature. My teacher was a big influence in my life, and made a hugh difference. I want to do that for other kids. And I will.
I want to live in a nice house, with my nice hubby, our nice kids, and our nice pets. I want to live in a nice town. In my head, I live in a small town that has restuaraunts and shops and such all within walking distance of my nice home, I want to go to a nice church where my husband is a pastor or preacher or something like such. I want to teach Sunday School, or whatnot. I want to be very involved in my church. I don't need to have a lot of money, or a lot of toys. I just want a lot of love from my family, and I want to give out a lot of love.
I currently live a fairly peaceful life. Aside from a few hiccups in my serenity, and really... only one major disaster, nothing happens that I can't breeze through. I guess you could say that I do pretty well with rolling with the punches. And like I said, I've really only had a couple things that really tore me up. If I could maintain my tranquility, I wouldn't complain.
So really, I guess this turned out to be a list of wants. I really don't think I'm asking for a lot. Oh well. I'm sure I'll keep adding to my list as I mature, and go on. So keep checking in!
*Of course, I'm being sarcastic. But if you want to take me seriously, have at it. Go for it. Knock yourself out. Have a hay day. Enjoy.
[love one another]
Thursday, September 1, 2011
A Whole New World
So when I post, I usually have a general topic, or direction I want the post to go. But tonight, I have nothing.
I started college Tuesday, and finished the class today. It was just a 1 credit hour class. It was basically learning how to use Blackboard and the Ohio University site. It was's boring... And I think I'm about to repeat my last post... Oops.
So honestly... I don't think anyone reads this blog anymore. I know my "friends" don't. Oh well. I understand that Huff's been in training, But Katie doesn't speak to me unless I talk to her first. I don't talk to anyone in high school. Libby and I talk a little. But barely enough to mention. And I'm totally sure no one else does, either. So... If you do, send me a message on facebook! Or leave me a comment here!
It seems like people I loved having in my life are just gone. Like I have to come up with a whole new life.
Stephyy on the other hand, is my saving grace. The best teacher (until I start my carreer. Ha ha) told us that God puts certain people in our lives for a reson. It's either to touch those people, or to have them touch your life. And I truly think that God put this darling in my life to be the friend I needed when I had no one else. She always says the right thing, but also has those moments where I need to say the right thing.
Sarah and I have become good friends, too. We didn't really know each other, but she asked me to room with her at our church camp. And the rest is history. =]
And I'm making friends at school. Thank God! One's name is Kelsey (I know, right?!) She's an Equine major, and she actually lives in The Furnace! Another's name is Sarah, and she's an undecided. They're pretty awesome. Although... It's pretty weird to say, "Hey, Kels! Wait up!" Or, "Me, Sarah, and Kelsey..." But I think it's worth the awkwardness. And the money I'll spend on rain boots.
Maybe this "New Life" could be cool. Lord, it better be!
[love one another]
I started college Tuesday, and finished the class today. It was just a 1 credit hour class. It was basically learning how to use Blackboard and the Ohio University site. It was's boring... And I think I'm about to repeat my last post... Oops.
So honestly... I don't think anyone reads this blog anymore. I know my "friends" don't. Oh well. I understand that Huff's been in training, But Katie doesn't speak to me unless I talk to her first. I don't talk to anyone in high school. Libby and I talk a little. But barely enough to mention. And I'm totally sure no one else does, either. So... If you do, send me a message on facebook! Or leave me a comment here!
It seems like people I loved having in my life are just gone. Like I have to come up with a whole new life.
Stephyy on the other hand, is my saving grace. The best teacher (until I start my carreer. Ha ha) told us that God puts certain people in our lives for a reson. It's either to touch those people, or to have them touch your life. And I truly think that God put this darling in my life to be the friend I needed when I had no one else. She always says the right thing, but also has those moments where I need to say the right thing.
Sarah and I have become good friends, too. We didn't really know each other, but she asked me to room with her at our church camp. And the rest is history. =]
And I'm making friends at school. Thank God! One's name is Kelsey (I know, right?!) She's an Equine major, and she actually lives in The Furnace! Another's name is Sarah, and she's an undecided. They're pretty awesome. Although... It's pretty weird to say, "Hey, Kels! Wait up!" Or, "Me, Sarah, and Kelsey..." But I think it's worth the awkwardness. And the money I'll spend on rain boots.
Maybe this "New Life" could be cool. Lord, it better be!
[love one another]
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
You should know...
I feel like I have an obligation to post. I've gotten requests for more, and someone even approached me at work.
She told me I was completely adorable, and that I needed to blog twice as often as I did.
Although, as it stands, I have nothing to say.
That's a lie.
I have sooo much to tell you.
1. I am an awesome actress. People have told me that they envy the way I can keep everyone and everything around me held together. Oh how wrong you are!
I can put on a bold face and smile at school. There are parts of my past that very few people know about. And they were told only so they could carry me through it.
2. I am no picture of health. I have a heart murmur. I have Vassodepressor Syncope (My blood vessels constrict, and I faint. It has triggers, like epilepsy.)
I have the immune systen of a chemo patient. And I have a PARS Defect. Which is, as I can understand it, when the catrilage or bone that holds my L4 vertebra in place never fully formed, and thus my vertebra slips and slides as it pleases. Ouch.
3. I'm girly. I love my heels and my dresses, and my make-up is my life. I love doing my hair and my nails, and my face. I love dressing up, and my handwriting is huge and cute. But I drive a truck. I love four-wheelers. I can ride a jet ski with the best of them. I really want to learn to shoot a bow, and I love fishing. Joshua says he got the best of both worlds. He's right.
4. Certain things will totally set me off.
People smacking their lips while they chew, or when I can hear them chewing even with their mouths closed.
Scratching sounds. Like nails on a seat belt, or any material, drive me nuts. And all patience goes out the window.
5. I want to change the world. I have to make a difference. And I will. Watch me.
6. I adore kids. I love love love them. I want 6 of my own. I know it might sound crazy, but that's 6 more chances I have to get something right.
7. I love watching shows I watched when I was little. It makes me somehow feel like everything can go back to the way it was. When I was safe, and everything was simple.
8. I love Love. It's incredible. Whether it's the love between my friends and family, or the love Joshua shows me everyday. But my favorite love, is the love God has for me. =]
She told me I was completely adorable, and that I needed to blog twice as often as I did.
Although, as it stands, I have nothing to say.
That's a lie.
I have sooo much to tell you.
1. I am an awesome actress. People have told me that they envy the way I can keep everyone and everything around me held together. Oh how wrong you are!
I can put on a bold face and smile at school. There are parts of my past that very few people know about. And they were told only so they could carry me through it.
2. I am no picture of health. I have a heart murmur. I have Vassodepressor Syncope (My blood vessels constrict, and I faint. It has triggers, like epilepsy.)
I have the immune systen of a chemo patient. And I have a PARS Defect. Which is, as I can understand it, when the catrilage or bone that holds my L4 vertebra in place never fully formed, and thus my vertebra slips and slides as it pleases. Ouch.
3. I'm girly. I love my heels and my dresses, and my make-up is my life. I love doing my hair and my nails, and my face. I love dressing up, and my handwriting is huge and cute. But I drive a truck. I love four-wheelers. I can ride a jet ski with the best of them. I really want to learn to shoot a bow, and I love fishing. Joshua says he got the best of both worlds. He's right.
4. Certain things will totally set me off.
People smacking their lips while they chew, or when I can hear them chewing even with their mouths closed.
Scratching sounds. Like nails on a seat belt, or any material, drive me nuts. And all patience goes out the window.
5. I want to change the world. I have to make a difference. And I will. Watch me.
6. I adore kids. I love love love them. I want 6 of my own. I know it might sound crazy, but that's 6 more chances I have to get something right.
7. I love watching shows I watched when I was little. It makes me somehow feel like everything can go back to the way it was. When I was safe, and everything was simple.
8. I love Love. It's incredible. Whether it's the love between my friends and family, or the love Joshua shows me everyday. But my favorite love, is the love God has for me. =]
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