Please... Be My Strength...

I'm completely in love with this band, and this is one of my most favoritest songs ever!

I ♥ Love!

No, I'm not in love with anyone. But it's all good. I have something to look forward to. I get to fall in love again. Maybe soon, maybe not.

But really! Love is amazing!

It's having someone know you as well as, if not better, than you know yourself.
I can honestly say that when I truly love someone, they know EVERYTHING about me. I love having someone know me that well, and I love knowing someone like that. I love being that close and emotionally intimate with someone.

I love living my life, but adding someone new to it. Yes, I'll alter my life a little, to fit into their lives as they do mine, but I'll love it all. I adore sharing my life with someone.

I love the fact that I basically get a new family! I've been fairly close to at least one member of Aaron and Josh's families. And it was great.

I love having a best friend. Like I said, I get really close to someone when I'm in love with them. My girlfriends are great, but there's nothing like being in love with your best friend, and it's just great!

So I'm not all boo-hoo-ie about not being in love right now. But I feel like a kid on the night before my birthday, or Christmas Eve. =]

Riches to Rags to Riches.

God,
I just don't understand...
How is it possible to go from being some one's entire world to meaning nothing at all to them?
At one point in time, I meant everything to him. He told me so... He said that I meant more than the world to him. But then the next day, I was nothing to him. Is that really how much I'm worth? Am I really so... disposable? I just don't get it...
He was my world. I knew there were problems, but none that couldn't have been worked through. Oh well... I guess there are things I'll never know.

But I do know that while I may be worthless to some people, I'm priceless to You. And I know that You've got plans that I can't even begin to imagine. And I know that I can't wait.

Love, Kelsey. ♥

Therapy ♫

"This is just therapy. Call it what it is.
'Cuz you won't take my calls
and that makes
God the only one who's left to listen."
- Therapy, Relient K

People often define therapy as (you/couch)+Shrink. While that's a true definition, I don't think it should be the definition of therapy as a whole, because [let's be honest...] it tends to have a negative stigma attached to it. If you go to therapy, people tend to think that you're weak. Or that you can't handle things on your own. I've even heard it said that your faith is weak, because you're not trusting God to get you through. Nonsense.

So as I sit here in the rotunda, killing precious time before math class, I 'm full. I went to lunch with a friend, and we did was talk about our past relationships. He more so than I, as his wounds are a little fresher than mine. It's fun. I'm always glad to help. And I was very thankful for people I could randomly vent to. But as we pulled back in to the campus parking lot, I realized that our times out together were therapy for one another. Thus began the thought process that made me realize that I do a lot of therapeutic things for myself.

I read. Whether it's my Kindle, Time Magazine, or my Bible, I read everything. 

I sing. I plug the iPod into the aux port in the truck and I sing along to whatever happens to come on.

I blog. I do this more than anything else. I tell you whatever  happens to be on my mind. I'm very candid with this, and I think it's better for me that way. I'm ok with telling you everything.

[Random fact: There are people standing in the balcony hallway above me, and I feel like a lab rat up for observation. Not cool... *Squeak]

I know that there are some other ways we put ourselves through therapy.
Like some people talk to a lost loved one at their grave. Or we tell ourselves that said lost person is with us on our "big day", whatever the occasion may be. Whether they're really there or not is up for debate. I have clear-cut views, but they're not important here.

So I guess I'd redefine therapy as
"Anything that helps one get through a tough time in one's life, or that helps one move on."
And yes, you can quote me on that. =]

Dear God,

I know you've got amazing plans for me. But I can't help shake the feeling that I was totally centered in those plans, and that I've messed them all up. So now what? What if I'd realized Your plan, and ruined it? Does that mean I've ruined the rest of my life? I have no idea, and that's a scary thought to entertain.

So I'm going to listen to everyone around me, and what Your word tell me. I'm going to believe that things didn't work out for a good reason. I'm going to tell myself that You're going to send me someone who's going to turn this all upside down. Someone who will love me exctly as I am, and accept my mistakes and scars, and help me move on from them.

I love you, Lord. I know that You're the only reason I can get out of bed. Even though it hurts, I'm so glad I can still get up and move.

God, I still have my days. I still have days that hurt, and I still cry and boo-hoo. And it's hard to go on from things that have happened. But while I still think You over-estimate me sometimes, I know that You won't being me to it if You won't being me through it.

The Great Escape

"To escape is nothing. Not to escape is nothing."
                                            -Louise Bogan.

I've got no clue who Louise Bogan is. And I highly doubt anyone else in my English 151 class does. But this quote was in one of our books, and preceeded a memior called On Being a Cripple about a woman who, at age 28, was told that she has Multiple Sclerosis. After a series of questions about the memior, along with another one written about the same topic, we were asked to interpret the quote as it applied to life in general.

I've already finished my questions, and have fought with Dell of Doom printer in this room (I fought a good fight, but got my butt kicked.). So I figured I'd blog my interpretation.

We will always wonder “What if…”

What is this boyfriend didn’t leave me? What if I’d gotten out of this relationship?

What if I got a new job? What if I stayed at my current position?

We always wonder if the grass really is greener. So we want to escape, and find it. We want to see for ourselves. For some of us, it’s nothing. It’s easy to walk away from our lives, and pick up a new one. It’s simple.

And once we get to the other side, we may realize that what we once thought would be green pastures and still waters is really a bunch of dead grass, and no water in sight. What we see after our escape, may be nothing at all.

For others, like me, it’s an obvious choice to keep out life as it is. While we don’t always have control over that, it’s nothing for us to look at our lives, and want to keep it the same.

Now, as my readers and my friends, I assume that y'all will know what I mean. This professor, however, will probably think I'm a nut job.

[enjoy]

September 11, 2001

I was in third grade. I was home sick that day with an ear infection. I was sitting in the big recliner at my grandparents' house in my Rugrat pajamas. I saw the video, and thought it was a movie commercial. But I knew something was really up when Mamaw let me have left ever pizza for breakfast.
Then she explained to me that it was real. That people had taken over planes, and crashed them into towers where hundreds of people worked.
I remember that I didn't believe her because people don't do that to other people... It was mean, and would hurt them. Then she told me that the men who took the planes meant to kill the people in the towers. They did it on purpose.
That's the day I realized that some people are honestly evil. That day, I realized that not everyone had good in them.

I still like to be naive. I've always been forgiving, and tried to only see the good in people. But that day was the day I realized that I was wrong. But I'm still like that.
It's like I can't see the bad in someone until it's directed towards me. And I'm ok with that. Yeah, I get hurt. But I will always give someone the benefit of a doubt. Always.