Intentions and Apprehensions.

Ok. So here we go.

I've mentions a couple (million) times about how I adore love, and romance, and such.

Truth is, it terrifies me.

I've had two serious relationships, and in each of them, I've failed to keep my significant other happy. The both of us got hurt, and badly. It was just a big mess, and I've got scars I never expected to have.

And now I'm paying for it. I'm talking to a very nice guy right now, and I know for a fact that he likes me. Yes, it's the 3rd grade, and he LIKES me, likes me.
And I like him, too.
So all is just lovely, right?

You's think so,
but you'd be
WRONG.

You'd think so, but no. I'm scared.
A friend told me to "just have fun". Well, I did that. But he wound up drunk and I wound up wasting my time and effort. So I'm not going there again.

I want a relationship to mean something. I don't want to just deal with someone for a while, which is what I did before. I knew that it just wasn't right. We believed differently, acted too differently, and saw the world through totally different glasses. It was just something I wanted to work out, but had no chance. And I saw that. I know it wasn't going anywhere productive.
I don't want that again.

I'm not exactly sure what it is...
Maybe I'm afraid to get hurt again.
Maybe I'm afraid to seriously hurt them.
Maybe I'm just a little rusty.

I have no idea.

And I know that I won't believe anything they tell me.
"I won't hurt you."
"It'll all be ok."
"I love you."
"I promise."
Yeah yeah yeah, blah blah blah...
I've heard it all before, and look where it's gotten me.

I don't want it to be like this. I don't want to feel so apprehensive. I hate it.

But it's the way I am.

[Good luck.]