Generation Y

As many of the Millennial generation, or Eco Boomers, are realizing, we had it great.
But the poor kids who are growing up now have it rough.

Instead of burying themselves in a mud whole, they bury themselves in Mommy's iPad.
Instead of watching Wile E. Coyote hunt the roadrunner (or hunting the coyote themselves) they're watching those creepy Yo-Gabba Gabba things and the guy with the orange fro do whatever they do.

It's honestly sad.

But! There is hope for the upcoming generation of tiny tikes.

I watch my share of television, and honestly, a lot of Spongebob. And I've seen tons of commercials for toys that I either had, or yelled "I want that!" to my mom when the commercial came on. I'm calling them throw-back toys for the simple fact that I'm 18. Nothing I grew up with is old enough to be called retro.

I've seen...

• Socker Boppers.
• Hungry Hungry Hippos.
• Doodle Bears.
• Baby Alive (The kind that you mix the food for).
• Elefun.
• Play-Dough Dentist.
• Play-Dough Ice Cream Shop.
• Easy Bake Oven.
• Aqua-Doodle.
• Whack-A-Mole.
• Crayola Crayon Maker.
• Color-Me Playhouses.
• Dr. Dreadful Gummy Candy Maker.
• Operation.
• Jenga (This came out before my time).
• Go-Go My Walkin' Pup.
• Don't Break The Ice.
• Trouble.

Welcome back, old friends. Welcome back.

Intentions and Apprehensions.

Ok. So here we go.

I've mentions a couple (million) times about how I adore love, and romance, and such.

Truth is, it terrifies me.

I've had two serious relationships, and in each of them, I've failed to keep my significant other happy. The both of us got hurt, and badly. It was just a big mess, and I've got scars I never expected to have.

And now I'm paying for it. I'm talking to a very nice guy right now, and I know for a fact that he likes me. Yes, it's the 3rd grade, and he LIKES me, likes me.
And I like him, too.
So all is just lovely, right?

You's think so,
but you'd be
WRONG.

You'd think so, but no. I'm scared.
A friend told me to "just have fun". Well, I did that. But he wound up drunk and I wound up wasting my time and effort. So I'm not going there again.

I want a relationship to mean something. I don't want to just deal with someone for a while, which is what I did before. I knew that it just wasn't right. We believed differently, acted too differently, and saw the world through totally different glasses. It was just something I wanted to work out, but had no chance. And I saw that. I know it wasn't going anywhere productive.
I don't want that again.

I'm not exactly sure what it is...
Maybe I'm afraid to get hurt again.
Maybe I'm afraid to seriously hurt them.
Maybe I'm just a little rusty.

I have no idea.

And I know that I won't believe anything they tell me.
"I won't hurt you."
"It'll all be ok."
"I love you."
"I promise."
Yeah yeah yeah, blah blah blah...
I've heard it all before, and look where it's gotten me.

I don't want it to be like this. I don't want to feel so apprehensive. I hate it.

But it's the way I am.

[Good luck.]

The Old Cat Lady.

At the request of a friend, I'm doing a blog about cats.

I. Hate. Cats.
With a fiery passion that burns hotter than a thousand splendid suns.

Kittens, on the other hand, I adore. They're too cute.
But once they're older, they're boring. They just lie around and lick themselves, just to cough up hair balls.
Disgusting.

If you were to give me a kitten for Christmas, I'd re-gift it the next year with no remorse.
Although, maybe if I got said feline when it was a kitten, I'd be ok with it as a cat. But I don't know. For now, I'll hate cats.

And it's because of a cat I had a near-death experience.
I was riding with friends, and was turned around in the car (which was moving way too fast). A cat ran out in front of us, and the dearest driver slammed on his breaks, sending me flying through the car. Ouch. I hit my butt on the dash, and nearly broke the mirror with the back of my head. it was not a lovely experience.

One of my friends is determined to become the old cat lady. She says she will have like... 48.5 cats one day. I say more power to her.
Who am I to object if she wants to smell like tuna and kitty litter for the rest of her life? She can enjoy her days of litter scooping and can opening.
But it's not for me.

So, Brendan, here it is. My post about the vile creatures we call cats.

[Enjoy]

All of Me.

So I really can't write a letter to me future boyfriend in 650 characters or less.

Dear Whoever You Are,
Congratulations! You're going to be my boyfriend. Quite an undertaking. A noble one, but reserved for only the most incredible of men.

I'm not perfect. Lord knows, and so does everyone else. I've made my share of mistakes, and I hope you can accept them, and realize that they do not make me who I am today. I'm not that same person.

I will be as understanding as I can be, and I'm pretty understanding and patient. I'll always give you a chance to explain your words or actions, or even thoughts and ideas. If I don't agree, I'll let you know. But as long as you explain yourself, and have good reasons for saying what you say, doing what you do, or believing what you believe, I'm ok with it.

Granted, there are differences that we just can't have. That's why "irreconcilable differences" is now considered a legitimate reason for divorce. It's one thing if you're not a Christian, but you must be willing to support me and my church activities, as well as come to church with me. That's the biggest thing. Nearly anything else I can work with.

I can be childish, but never too much, and never at inappropriate times. As you can probably see, I'm fairly mature. But if I see a Hop-Scotch pattern, I will jump through it, then resume our conversation.

I love Love LOVE sending ridiculously long texts and messages telling you exactly what's on my mind, and exactly how I feel. Usually, those are smushy and lovey-dovey. And as much as I love sending them, I love getting them even more.

I'll get it out of the way and say it, we're going to hurt each other. Somewhere along the line we walk, I'll say or do something that steps on your toes, and you'll do the same lovely favor for me. But one must learn to ask forgiveness. You explain your words or doings, and say you understand why it hurt. Then say you're sorry, and ask forgiveness. Aldo, one must learn to forgive. Listen to reason; theirs and yours. Then work it out, kiss, hug, and move on happily.

I've had boyfriends. Two, to be exact (I don't count Jr. high and below). Ups and downs. I don't regret anything. But through my experiences, that include my relationships, I have scars. I'm willing to bet you do, too. Lovely (I adore that word).

As sketchy as it may be, I will love you with my whole heart. Absolutely all of it. Nothing will keep me from being the best possible girlfriend I can be. I will stand by you, defend you and your decisions, and I'll support you in the things you love to do. We'll be amazing.

Please, watch and enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50ygAc2qP5A

I can't wait to meet you, wherever you are.

Patience for the Cross.

"Patience, a virtue is."

Sometimes, people really just make me mad. The worst? When thet just don't do what they're supposed to do it how they're supposed to do it! When they ask stupid questions about it, or just act like theydon't understand!

Of course, I work with a couple people like that. He just HAS to say the dumbest and most unecessary things, and he keeps other people from doing their jobs. It makes me really want to pretend I don't hear him ask for help. I know this isn't the way I should be, but it's better than my prefered alternative - the deep fryer. That's right! Just a couple minutes, and he would never annoy anyone again. =]

Aren't we all like that though?
When someone crosses us, how likely are we to still be our super cheery, "I fart rainbows" kind of person?
What are we supposed to do?
Forgive them 490 (=70x7) times. Even this said person hasn't been that bad... yet.
But he's lucky I haven't kept count.

Our pastor mentioned last night that Jesus died for the people that crossed him. Literally. The ones who held the nails, swungt the hammer, and why cracked the whips.

Wow.
I think that this realization can easily change how we react to those who bug us, and to annoying situations all around.

[grin and bear it]

Can anybody find me...

... Somebody to love??!!??

Hello, everyone!
This is going to be a sort of off-color (as far as I go) post.

I'd love to have a boyfriend right now.
Not because I'm bored, or because I don't have friends, or because I'm lonely.
But because I'd love to be in love with someone.
I'd love to have someone to open up to, and to listen to.
I want someone to cuddle with.
I want to look at someone, and think "Wow... I love them."
I miss sending really long, smushy texts.
I'd love having someone romantically tell me they love me.
God is blessing my life so much right now. I have a crazy and honest joy in my life. I've got a wonderful life. School is great, work is... well, work. But I'd love love love to share all that goodness with someone.
I want to be in love with someone.
I want someone to be in love with me...
I want someone to know all of my flaws, all of my fears and failures, my mistakes and wrong-doings, and to Love. Me. Anyway.
Gah! I just want somebody to love.

[Patience, a virtue is.]

Praying for Lemonade.

"She loves her mama's lemonade
And hates the sound that goodbyes make.
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.

She swears that there's no difference
Between the lies and compliments
It's all the same if everybody leaves her.

She would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster."
                      -Beautiful Disaster, Jon McLaughlin.

Dear Guess Who,
I don't think about you everyday.

Even on what would've been our 1 year, I didn't think about you at all. >=^]

I don't miss you anymore. Do I miss who you used to be? Sure. Just a smidgen.

Not being with you no longer hurts.

You changed, and so did I. It didn't work. No biggie.

It's not hard to talk to you.
It doesn't hurt that you don't reply at all. You don't even acknowledge me. But it sure does make me mad!! I mean c'mon!! You do know that I'm not a stray dog that you can just ignore. I'm a human, too. And at one point in time, I meant the world to you. How is it possible to completely forget everything? Well now I know what I must have REALLY meant to you -Jack Squat.

Who says I haven't moved on? Give me a break.

Dear Bestest Friends,
But that doesn't mean it doesn't suck when you rub your love in my face. I'm honestly very happy for you. You're two of my best friends! And the skirt in the relationship knows me like no one else. But yes!! I'm jealous. Not of either of you particularly, but of what you have. The love (call it what it is) you guys have is adorable! It's so super cute that you two cuddle and such. And its even sort of cute that you can (and frequently do) tune out the rest of the world when someone is mid-sentence. It's awesome!
And I had that.
Now I don't.
But I want it.

Badly..
But please don't let my pity party and petty feelings ruin your moment. I love seeing your love. it sort of hurts, but it's just so freaking adorable! =]

I'm praying for God to send me the guy he wants me with. I know it might not be who I'll be with forever, but someone who needs me, and maybe I could help. I want love so horribly. I'm ok with being single, but I'd love to love somebody. And I'd love to be loved.

All in due time, I suppose.

Nifty-ness.

I love making my own words. =]

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debt is high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is strange, with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns;
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won if he'd stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
For you may succeed with another blow!

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are;
It may be near though it seems so far.

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit.
When things seems the worst, you must not quit!

~ Again... Thanks, Sharon!

Who am I?

Tonight, in our church's Ladies' Meeting, I got this nifty little list of my identities in Christ.

• I'm God's child.
• I'm born again.
• I'm forgiven.
• I'm a new creation.
• I'm a temple of the Holy Spirit.
• I'm delivered from darkness.
• I'm redeemed.
• I'm blessed. (Very much so!)
• I'm a saint.
• I'm the head, and not the tail. (Ref. Deut. 28:13)
• I'm about, and not beneath.
• I'm holy and without blame before God.
• I'm elect.
• I'm established to the end.
• I'm victorious.
• I'm free.
• I'm strong in Christ. (*Flex muscles, and put on your game face.)
• I'm dead to sin.
• I'm more than a conqueror.
• I'm a joint heir with Christ.
• I sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise.
• I'm in Christ.
• I'm accepted.
• I'm complete.
• I'm crucified with Christ.
• I'm made alive by Christ.
• I'm free from condemnation.
• I'm reconciled with God.
• I'm His disciple.
• I'm the light of the world.
• I'm the salt of the earth.
• I'm a city on a hill.
• I'm the righteousness of God.

How much better could it get?

~Thanks, Sharon Sanders for this awesome list. =]

"So with all my heart and all my soul
With all I am, Lord, I will follow You"
                                - Hillsong United

We all want to do God's will in our lives. I know I sure do.
I'm about to make a big decision in my life. I've applied for a new job. I know it's a hard one. But I also know that it will be rewarding. I'm aware that it's maybe a little dangerous, but I have the possibility to make a difference in the lives of people who need it most.

This is a big deal to me. To anyone it would be. I'm not doing anything worth while at my current job. But it's a good job. They work well with my schedule, and are all very kind. But I've felt for a long time that God wanted me elsewhere. I prayed for an answer as to where He needed me, and I've prayed for hints. People i know started working at this place, then I met people at work who worked there. someone even told me that "we could really use a personality like yours out there. You'd be great."
Well that was enough for me to start talking about this specific place to the people I knew. And enough to pray about it.
The day of my customer I spoke of about, I started praying for "direct signs." When I was driving home, an employee from this place was posting help wanted signs on the hill I was driving by.

"Ok, God. I get it."

So I put in an application, and I'm going to check on it today. I'm terrified. What If I'm wrong? What if I'm totally twisting God's signs? The way I see it, if I'm reading into this correctly, I'll get that job. If I am wrong, I won't. simple as that. I hope.

But the most annoying part of this whole ordeal is my one and only antagonist. I love her dearly, but my mother refuses to back me on this. She doesn't think it's a good idea. She wants me to stay nice and cozy at my current job. To her, I think it's money and secutity over my personal happiness and fufillment. And I can see where she's coming from. But it seems like the fact that I've been praying hard about this since June holds no strength. I have faith in my answers and thus my decision. I just wish she would, too.

But we'll see how today goes, and go on from there.

[have faith and love]

Stem Cell Liar.

"Oh! This has gotta be the good life." -One Republic.

[I sure hope not]

A wise person once told me that college wasn't too hard, or stressful. They told me that writing papers would come easily to me, and that I'd have no problems with it.

They lied.

This is honestly one of the most stressful things I've ever done, and anyone who's been there and done that will tell you that I'm right to feel this way. I'm so sick of stem cells, and the research thereof. I. Quit.

But while I was typing the lines above, I realized that if this is the most stressful thing I've ever done, then I've had it soooo easily. While my mind says that I can't do this, that I'm going to pull my hair out, and that I'm slipping out of my sanity, my God tell me I can. Ha.

Take that, Diana Hacker (citation expert).
Take that, research paper, take that!

The Ultimate Step

Hey guys! I have big news.

I mean... Really BIG

I'm going on a date this Saturday. =]

He's a super sweet guy, and I'm all excited.

We're going to Applebee's and then to the theater to see Real Steel.

I'm proud of me. =]

And I have a million of these:  =]

Just tons of then. My face hurts.

Random Ramblings

I'm tired of watching videos about citing my sources.

I'm tired of my computer not working. [I've been reduces to borrowing a school computer to do my blogging]


                              [Someone remind me later that I need to get my flu shot]

I hate having dreams about Joshua. I don't miss him, and I don't want to get back together with him right now. So I really don't understand why I keep dreaming that we do. It's annoying, and is taking up dream time and space that I could be using to dream of kittens or something...

The stupid keyboard mouse is really annoying, and keeps getting in my way.

Dear Monster Energy,
God bless your souls.
-Kelsey.

I'm really not looking forward to writing this research paper, especially on Mom's dinosaur desk-top.

We seriously just voted on a "collective nap time". The results are unanimous. We're sleeping!

I'm seriously excited for the Fall Festival this weekend. I've got a girl to cover my shift at work, so I BETTER have it off. Leva (Yeah.. That's my boss's real name) told me that she'd really try to work it out as long as I could find someone to cover that shift. So I better be off.

I usually don't do posts like this, just random ramblings [ooh... that's a good title.]

Wow... I'm really hungry.

And I'm free!!! Woo hoo! Lunch time!

[show love]

Please... Be My Strength...

I'm completely in love with this band, and this is one of my most favoritest songs ever!

I ♥ Love!

No, I'm not in love with anyone. But it's all good. I have something to look forward to. I get to fall in love again. Maybe soon, maybe not.

But really! Love is amazing!

It's having someone know you as well as, if not better, than you know yourself.
I can honestly say that when I truly love someone, they know EVERYTHING about me. I love having someone know me that well, and I love knowing someone like that. I love being that close and emotionally intimate with someone.

I love living my life, but adding someone new to it. Yes, I'll alter my life a little, to fit into their lives as they do mine, but I'll love it all. I adore sharing my life with someone.

I love the fact that I basically get a new family! I've been fairly close to at least one member of Aaron and Josh's families. And it was great.

I love having a best friend. Like I said, I get really close to someone when I'm in love with them. My girlfriends are great, but there's nothing like being in love with your best friend, and it's just great!

So I'm not all boo-hoo-ie about not being in love right now. But I feel like a kid on the night before my birthday, or Christmas Eve. =]

Riches to Rags to Riches.

God,
I just don't understand...
How is it possible to go from being some one's entire world to meaning nothing at all to them?
At one point in time, I meant everything to him. He told me so... He said that I meant more than the world to him. But then the next day, I was nothing to him. Is that really how much I'm worth? Am I really so... disposable? I just don't get it...
He was my world. I knew there were problems, but none that couldn't have been worked through. Oh well... I guess there are things I'll never know.

But I do know that while I may be worthless to some people, I'm priceless to You. And I know that You've got plans that I can't even begin to imagine. And I know that I can't wait.

Love, Kelsey. ♥

Therapy ♫

"This is just therapy. Call it what it is.
'Cuz you won't take my calls
and that makes
God the only one who's left to listen."
- Therapy, Relient K

People often define therapy as (you/couch)+Shrink. While that's a true definition, I don't think it should be the definition of therapy as a whole, because [let's be honest...] it tends to have a negative stigma attached to it. If you go to therapy, people tend to think that you're weak. Or that you can't handle things on your own. I've even heard it said that your faith is weak, because you're not trusting God to get you through. Nonsense.

So as I sit here in the rotunda, killing precious time before math class, I 'm full. I went to lunch with a friend, and we did was talk about our past relationships. He more so than I, as his wounds are a little fresher than mine. It's fun. I'm always glad to help. And I was very thankful for people I could randomly vent to. But as we pulled back in to the campus parking lot, I realized that our times out together were therapy for one another. Thus began the thought process that made me realize that I do a lot of therapeutic things for myself.

I read. Whether it's my Kindle, Time Magazine, or my Bible, I read everything. 

I sing. I plug the iPod into the aux port in the truck and I sing along to whatever happens to come on.

I blog. I do this more than anything else. I tell you whatever  happens to be on my mind. I'm very candid with this, and I think it's better for me that way. I'm ok with telling you everything.

[Random fact: There are people standing in the balcony hallway above me, and I feel like a lab rat up for observation. Not cool... *Squeak]

I know that there are some other ways we put ourselves through therapy.
Like some people talk to a lost loved one at their grave. Or we tell ourselves that said lost person is with us on our "big day", whatever the occasion may be. Whether they're really there or not is up for debate. I have clear-cut views, but they're not important here.

So I guess I'd redefine therapy as
"Anything that helps one get through a tough time in one's life, or that helps one move on."
And yes, you can quote me on that. =]

Dear God,

I know you've got amazing plans for me. But I can't help shake the feeling that I was totally centered in those plans, and that I've messed them all up. So now what? What if I'd realized Your plan, and ruined it? Does that mean I've ruined the rest of my life? I have no idea, and that's a scary thought to entertain.

So I'm going to listen to everyone around me, and what Your word tell me. I'm going to believe that things didn't work out for a good reason. I'm going to tell myself that You're going to send me someone who's going to turn this all upside down. Someone who will love me exctly as I am, and accept my mistakes and scars, and help me move on from them.

I love you, Lord. I know that You're the only reason I can get out of bed. Even though it hurts, I'm so glad I can still get up and move.

God, I still have my days. I still have days that hurt, and I still cry and boo-hoo. And it's hard to go on from things that have happened. But while I still think You over-estimate me sometimes, I know that You won't being me to it if You won't being me through it.

The Great Escape

"To escape is nothing. Not to escape is nothing."
                                            -Louise Bogan.

I've got no clue who Louise Bogan is. And I highly doubt anyone else in my English 151 class does. But this quote was in one of our books, and preceeded a memior called On Being a Cripple about a woman who, at age 28, was told that she has Multiple Sclerosis. After a series of questions about the memior, along with another one written about the same topic, we were asked to interpret the quote as it applied to life in general.

I've already finished my questions, and have fought with Dell of Doom printer in this room (I fought a good fight, but got my butt kicked.). So I figured I'd blog my interpretation.

We will always wonder “What if…”

What is this boyfriend didn’t leave me? What if I’d gotten out of this relationship?

What if I got a new job? What if I stayed at my current position?

We always wonder if the grass really is greener. So we want to escape, and find it. We want to see for ourselves. For some of us, it’s nothing. It’s easy to walk away from our lives, and pick up a new one. It’s simple.

And once we get to the other side, we may realize that what we once thought would be green pastures and still waters is really a bunch of dead grass, and no water in sight. What we see after our escape, may be nothing at all.

For others, like me, it’s an obvious choice to keep out life as it is. While we don’t always have control over that, it’s nothing for us to look at our lives, and want to keep it the same.

Now, as my readers and my friends, I assume that y'all will know what I mean. This professor, however, will probably think I'm a nut job.

[enjoy]

September 11, 2001

I was in third grade. I was home sick that day with an ear infection. I was sitting in the big recliner at my grandparents' house in my Rugrat pajamas. I saw the video, and thought it was a movie commercial. But I knew something was really up when Mamaw let me have left ever pizza for breakfast.
Then she explained to me that it was real. That people had taken over planes, and crashed them into towers where hundreds of people worked.
I remember that I didn't believe her because people don't do that to other people... It was mean, and would hurt them. Then she told me that the men who took the planes meant to kill the people in the towers. They did it on purpose.
That's the day I realized that some people are honestly evil. That day, I realized that not everyone had good in them.

I still like to be naive. I've always been forgiving, and tried to only see the good in people. But that day was the day I realized that I was wrong. But I'm still like that.
It's like I can't see the bad in someone until it's directed towards me. And I'm ok with that. Yeah, I get hurt. But I will always give someone the benefit of a doubt. Always.

I hate doing this. Y'all are going to get sick of me repeating myself.
       [Random Fact: Our electric just flickered. Why? The AC kicked on.]
But I keep having to remind myself that God is totally in control of my life, whether I like it or not. And don't get me wrong, I love that He is. Because all I do is make make a mess of it.

Someone* posted a picture, and gave a really awesome quote with it. But, me being me, I rephrased it. =]

Never mind the past. There's a good reason that it didn't make the cut for your future.

And I love that soooo dag-gone much! It reminds me that God's got an awesome plan for me, and that my life is changing for a really good reason. Someday, I'll meet the man I'm supposed to spend my forever with, assuming I haven't already. And that's true for us all. And honestly, I'm super excited for it. I adore love. I love the feeling of falling in love, and then the moments where you're with them, and they do something to make it happen all over again. I love making them happy, and making them love me. Yes, it hurts sometimes, and all love is tested. But true love keeps going.

So that's the end of that ramble. 8-)

I found out last night that Mummy reads my blog! And she approves! Mummy's fairly (super) private, and I'm obviously really open with my life, which sometimes includes hers. I'm sooooo super crazy excited that she likes it!

And random people are starting to tell me that they read my blog! I real appreciate it. It's very encouraging, and makes all the time worth it. But frankly, I'd still blog. Even if no one in the world ever read it. Because I think it's good for me. And that's what's important now. Me. =]


*Hailee Alexander. [Thank you!]

Moving On.

"I'm moving on! At last I can see that life has been patiently waiting for me."
                                                                                Rascal Flatts. (I love them)


A certain guy told me that he was ready to move on, but was nervous to try. Now, now... It doesn't work like that.

They weren't kidding when they said "love hurts!" Nope. They meant every bit of it. And yes, we get hurt while in a relationship, but we can usually forgive and forget. But it's a little (lot) harder when you're left behind, or when you have to do the leaving. You had you a good cry, come good chocolate, and a good Reese Witherspoon marathon (sound familiar?).

Eventually, though, you put your big girl panties on, and knew that you had to get off the couch, and move on with your life. Because work, kids, church, school (etc...) doesn't wait. Life doesn't wait. Which can be a good help! Even if you dread going about and not seeing them, or you dread coming home (this is me!) because you know you won't talk on the phone with them.
But for the time being, while you're out, you can move your focus. And admit it... It's great!

So now that you know you can make it on your own (but you know you're not really alone), you can start to really "move on". It's hard. Because the person who once meant everything to you now has to mean not-so-much. You have to stop loving them. And it sucks! You throw your "normal" out the window. Get used to it. Find YOUR own personal normal. The one you keep consistently.

Now, you're ready for a new significant other! Not really...

You haven't really moved on until:

• The anger is gone.
• You can think of what happened, and not cry.
• The pain of the break up is no longer there. (That's not to say you won't have scars, but the basic sting is gone)
• You want only good for them in their life. You feel no more malice or bitterness.

If you can check off ALL of these, then congrats! You're really done. The best part of this is that you are free. And... You can find someone new, and love them the way they deserve to be loved. I'm not there yet. I still have my days and my cries. But I'm doing better. I really did love Josh, and I still do, in a way. I want him to be happy. I know I hurt him, and I got hurt, too. But it's all good. I've got to let God have His way in my life, and in Joshua's. I'll be ok. And hopefully, I'll be able to check off most things on My List.

[go love someone]

Rebecca.

So someone (guess who!) brought it to my attention that I haven't yet mentioned Becca in any of my posts. How terrible of me! So. Here we go.

Becca has always been my favorite. We're 2 of 7 grand kids, and we're the only girls. We're 4 months, and 1 week apart, but I'm the oldest. Even though she doesn't need it (usually) I feel like I have to watch over her. But she does the same for me, and I usually do need it!

We've even got names for each other. She's Dolly, because she "got girly" before I did, and I made fun of her for acting like a porcelain doll. And when we were really little, she over complicated 'Kelsey', and it became Kelshki.

She's done her wrong, and made her mistakes, and she's moving on. I'm sooo very proud of her. I love her dearly, and I can't wait to see where she goes in her life.

She needs to know that I'm always here for her, and she frequently takes advantage of that. Not in a bad way, she just uses her resources. She also needs to know that no matter what she decides to do, I'll stand behind her. I'll do anything she every needs me to do. I love her dearly, and I always will.

It almost sounds like I should be a guy talking to his girlfriend. But that's ok. Becca knows I don't mean it like that. And everyone else should, too. =]

We've gone through everything together. Absolutely everything. And it better stay that way.

[ah-me?]

A Letter to Me.

Ok. So there are things I need to admit to myself. No matter how much other people tell me, it will never sink in until I tell myself. Some of this will be hard for me, so (assuming I don't cry on, and thus short my keyboard) don't judge if my typing gets sketchy.

Dear Kelsey,

Sweetie... The past few months has been hard. But that's how it goes. Last year, as measured from Camp 2010-Camp 2011was an amazing year. It's about time things get rough. It's just the way it works out. But!! That's no excuse! However, it'll get better.

Josh is gone. He does NOT (romantically) love you. He has not and will not forgive you anytime soon for the things he thinks you did. You know the truth, and he will one day. He's not mad at you, he doesn't hate you. But the two of you are over. You're on to separate lives, nd the lives God planned for you. So turn off Walk the Line, Sweet Home Alabama, and Legally Blonde. Did you even notice you've had a Reese Witherspoon marathon? C'mon, darling! Pull it together. And you pretend your cuddle pillow is someone else. And that's perfectly ok. Enjoy that. =]

You're a college student now! You're leagally a grown up, and you'll have home work. You'll have to study. Good luck. Remember, Dave offered to help with math, so you'll be fine.

Meet people! Seriously you can't just sit at a table, and blog while nibbling on you KFC. For the moment though, it's all good. Because you're currently surrounded by people you don't know, and Lucas. Ha ha ha.

You can do this. You'll be ok! I swear!

My List.

Alright. This is my official list of I don't know what. Just random things, I suppose.

I want a man who loves God. A man who is willing to make the decisions, and be the eader the Bible tells him to be. A man who will love me, and not give up on our relationship if things get rough. A man who, if things get rough, stick with me, and who will be willing to work through it. No matter what it takes. Counseling, therapy, or a weekend away to work things through. But I want someone who's in it for the long haul. I don't need to go out all the time. I don't need to get gifts or flowers all the time. I know I'm young, but I want to meet the man I'll marry. I want to settle down, because I'm confident that I can still finish school. I want love and commitment. I'm ready. Don't get me wrong. I want to go out with my guy. I want to go out with my friends, and our friends. I want to host parties, and (insert sport of choice) parties. But I don't need to be a busy body. Oh! And when we get married, I want his knees to go weak. And if he could maybe tear up would be awesome.
*[If you know a guy who may meet the qualifications above, send me an emailwith his name and email, and I'll send him an application for the position of Kelsey's Boyfriend. If the application meets my standards, I'll call him in for an interview. I appreciate your help.]

I want to teach high school English/Literature. My teacher was a big influence in my life, and made a hugh difference. I want to do that for other kids. And I will.

I want to live in a nice house, with my nice hubby, our nice kids, and our nice pets. I want to live in a nice town. In my head, I live in a small town that has restuaraunts and shops and such all within walking distance of my nice home, I want to go to a nice church where my husband is a pastor or preacher or something like such. I want to teach Sunday School, or whatnot. I want to be very involved in my church. I don't need to have a lot of money, or a lot of toys. I just want a lot of love from my family, and I want to give out a lot of love.

I currently live a fairly peaceful life. Aside from a few hiccups in my serenity, and really... only one major disaster, nothing happens that I can't breeze through. I guess you could say that I do pretty well with rolling with the punches. And like I said, I've really only had a couple things that really tore me up. If I could maintain my tranquility, I wouldn't complain.

So really, I guess this turned out to be a list of wants. I really don't think I'm asking for a lot. Oh well. I'm sure I'll keep adding to my list as I mature, and go on. So keep checking in!

*Of course, I'm being sarcastic. But if you want to take me seriously, have at it. Go for it. Knock yourself out. Have a hay day. Enjoy.


[love one another]

A Whole New World

So when I post, I usually have a general topic, or direction I want the post to go. But tonight, I have nothing.

I started college Tuesday, and finished the class today. It was just a 1 credit hour class. It was basically learning how to use Blackboard and the Ohio University site. It was's boring... And I think I'm about to repeat my last post... Oops.

So honestly... I don't think anyone reads this blog anymore. I know my "friends" don't. Oh well. I understand that Huff's been in training, But Katie doesn't speak to me unless I talk to her first. I don't talk to anyone in high school. Libby and I talk a little. But barely enough to mention. And I'm totally sure no one else does, either. So... If you do, send me a message on facebook! Or leave me a comment here!

It seems like people I loved having in my life are just gone. Like I have to come up with a whole new life.

Stephyy on the other hand, is my saving grace. The best teacher (until I start my carreer. Ha ha) told us that God puts certain people in our lives for a reson. It's either to touch those people, or to have them touch your life. And I truly think that God put this darling in my life to be the friend I needed when I had no one else. She always says the right thing, but also has those moments where I need to say the right thing.

Sarah and I have become good friends, too. We didn't really know each other, but she asked me to room with her at our church camp. And the rest is history. =]

And I'm making friends at school. Thank God! One's name is Kelsey (I know, right?!) She's an Equine major, and she actually lives in The Furnace! Another's name is Sarah, and she's an undecided. They're pretty awesome. Although... It's pretty weird to say, "Hey, Kels! Wait up!" Or, "Me, Sarah, and Kelsey..."  But I think it's worth the awkwardness. And the money I'll spend on rain boots.

Maybe this "New Life" could be cool. Lord, it better be!

[love one another]

You should know...

I feel like I have an obligation to post. I've gotten requests for more, and someone even approached me at work.
She told me I was completely adorable, and that I needed to blog twice as often as I did.
Although, as it stands, I have nothing to say.
That's a lie.
I have sooo much to tell you.

1. I am an awesome actress. People have told me that they envy the way I can keep everyone and everything around me held together. Oh how wrong you are!
I can put on a bold face and smile at school. There are parts of my past that very few people know about. And they were told only so they could carry me through it.

2. I am no picture of health. I have a heart murmur. I have Vassodepressor Syncope (My blood vessels constrict, and I faint. It has triggers, like epilepsy.)
I have the immune systen of a chemo patient. And I have a PARS Defect. Which is, as I can understand it, when the catrilage or bone that holds my L4 vertebra in place never fully formed, and thus my vertebra slips and slides as it pleases. Ouch.

3. I'm girly. I love my heels and my dresses, and my make-up is my life. I love doing my hair and my nails, and my face. I love dressing up, and my handwriting is huge and cute.  But I drive a truck. I love four-wheelers. I can ride a jet ski with the best of them. I really want to learn to shoot a bow, and I love fishing. Joshua says he got the best of both worlds. He's right.

4. Certain things will totally set me off.
People smacking their lips while they chew, or when I can hear them chewing even with their mouths closed.
Scratching sounds. Like nails on a seat belt, or any material, drive me nuts. And all patience goes out the window.

5. I want to change the world. I have to make a difference. And I will. Watch me.

6. I adore kids. I love love love them. I want 6 of my own. I know it might sound crazy, but that's 6 more chances I have to get something right.

7. I love watching shows I watched when I was little. It makes me somehow feel like everything can go back to the way it was. When I was safe, and everything was simple.

8. I love Love. It's incredible. Whether it's the love between my friends and family, or the love Joshua shows me everyday. But my favorite love, is the love God has for me. =]

Acrylic Rain Boots.

So I'm not going to lie. Acrylic nails are killer awesome. But they also super suck, too. Because they hurt. You catch them on things, you scratch yourself with them... It's just a hot mess for the first couple of days. And it's been an interesting experience. Don't get me wrong, I love them! They make me feel weirdly... girly. Now I do my hair, and I paint my nails... But this is a little crazy.

Oh! More big news! I started COLLEGE!! Class was uneventful. Not boring, but not really exciting. I spoke to like.. 2 people.

The "Freshman Welcome Party" was pretty fun, though. I knew nearly no one there, but recognized some people from class, so I asked to sit by them, and they were really chill about it. They're an awesome group. Y'all know what this means? I MADE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!
And I'm proud of myself. But the only thing that sets myself apart from them? I'm the only one without a pair of rain boots. =]

Helmet-Hair and Yellow Sponges

Ok. So as part of my Back-to-School Beautification Process, I got my hair trimmed up. And it's sooooo bloody short! The way it frames my face makes it look like a dag-gone helmet.. It's counterproductive, really.

King's Island trip is tomorrow! And I really can't tell you how excited I am. I'm getting out of the house, and spending the day with some seriously awesome friends. Oh! And did I mention the rides?

[I've finally got a friend who actually asks me to hang out. Someone who will listen, and not try to tell me how her life is worse. It's about time!]

School starts Tuesday! I can't wait. I'm super crazy excited about meeting new friends, and potential boyfriends. Although I'm totally not ready for a relationship yet. No, Sir!

I still miss Josh sometimes. And I wish I didn't. He was a total jerk after we broke up. Oh well. That just made it easier to move on. =]

Mom's surgery went well. She looks terrible, but I'm not going to tell her that! She has a thing called a bolster on her nose, and it's just a little yellow sponge that's stitched to her skin graft. That's really the worst looking part. I went to see her in recovery, and she looked terrible. I've got a fairly strong stomach, but I nearly passed out. I felt sooo bad leaving her, but my uncle was there, so it's not like she was alone. They only had her in "Conscious Sedation", so that they didn't have to intubate her. But I think she could've used a little more anesthesia. She said she felt everything! I felt awful for her.

So things here are moving a little slower than usual. I'm thinking about baking brownies. Good idea? I think so!

WOW!

Oh my goodness! I haven't posted in over a month! I can't believe it!

Well... A lot has happened in the past while -at least the past week.

Joshua and I broke up. I got comfortable in our relationship, which I think is an ok thing to do. However, with my new-found comfort, and the craze and lack of control I felt in my life, I tried to control Josh. And we argued a lot because of it. He got tired of being controled and he got tired of arguing. I don't blame him at all.

But we've talked it out, and it's all good between us. We don't plan on getting back together, but moving on, and being happy.

I start school in 11 days! This is HUGE to me! Because this is the fresh start that I've wanted for years. Everyone in high school remembers me as the little chunky kid from 5th grade, and then the kid who was never afraid to disagree with you in jr. high. But I won't know a single person in my classes. And I'm ok with that. I'm actually really excited to make new friends. I'm pretty good at it, to be honest.

So through things going crazily wrong (Mummy's cancer, Dad's heart trouble, my sudden lack of Josh) I've had no choice but to lean completely on God. I know He has a plan for me, and that this is all part of it. I just have to know that all things will work for the good of them that love the Lord. I think I've gotten pretty darn good at trusting God and His plan.

And I've never been happier. =]

The C Word.

Cancer is a sketchy thing.
Especially when it's your mom.

Sometimes it's hard to say things. "I'm sorry" can be a tough one.
Any yes or no sort of question can be hard, because we're naturally afraid of rejection.
But the hardest thing I've ever had to say is "My mom has cancer."

It's skin cancer, which can get pretty serious. But it's Basal Cell Carcinoma.
And frankly, if you're going to get skin cancer, that's what you want to have.
But the doctors said that they're like ice bergs; however big they are on the surface, they're a million times bigger under the skin.

Surgery can do some intense damage. because if you have a spot 1 cm wide, you can have it 4 cm wide under the surface. And it all has to be removed. Then, if you have multiple spots, it can get iffy. My mom has one above her lip, and right beside her nose. That's really crappy placement.
What if it messes up her lips? I haven't kissed my mom goodnight in a long time. What if I don't get to because of her lip's weirdness?
And her nose? If it messes up her nose, what if people stare? I'd hate to punch a little kid because he stared at my mom like she was a freak. I'm 18 now, and that's illegal.

I'm not looking forward to thing whole ordeal. But I know that I have friends and family who love us very much, and who will love us no matter what happens.
And you, my followers (now this sounds like a cult). You make it easier. Thanks for reading, and thanks or praying. I love you guys. =]

Team Work.

T.ogether                           P.ray
E.veryone                          U.ntil
A.chieves                           S.omething
M.ore                                 H.appens

Ok great. So why do we act like we're alone in out lives? Especially as Christians!

The preacher at our church camp compared our churches as bobsledding teams. There's the driver and the break man who sit in the front and back of the sleds. Those are definitely important jobs. If you don't steer, you'll crash. And if you don't break, you'll crash.

Then there are the two middle guys. Once the sled is moving, they just lean in the direction of the turn. They're the support. But their main job is pushing. They hold on to the sled, and they push as hard as they can. They keep the sled moving.

That's our job. We're pushers. We're to stand behind our brothers and sisters, and PUSH as hard as we can. We're to encourage them, lead them, and simply be there for them.

As part of a church who completely backs the idea of pushing, I can tell you how rewarding it is. It's incredible to know that so many others are there for you, and are praying for you.
And it's great to know that a prayer can make a difference. That you can support someone else. It's awesome.

But the pushers aren't invisible; you can see them.
So when you are pushing for someone, let them know!
And don't be afraid to ask for a little push every now and again.

Pushers can make all the difference. Make sure that you let other know that they're not in this alone. =]

Somedays...

Some days aren't yours at all.
They come and go
As if they're someone else's days...
-Some days by Regina Spektor.

I wonder if she knows how right she really is.

Of course she's playing on the phrase "Today's just not my day..." that we use when we're having a bad day. I've said this so many times before. Especially at work. I'll be the first to admit that I make more than my fair share of mistakes at good 'ole Ironton McDonald's. I mess up an order, I hand out the wrong food, I spill 5 gallons of tea on the floor, or throw McFlurry every where. I drop things, I spill things, and I run into things. Sometimes, I do all in the same eight hours. And what do I say?
"Today's just not my day..."
And too many times after I said this, I fall apart in my truck, feeling like a total failure. So what do I do? I call Josh looking for support, comfort, love. But what to I hear? "It wasn't your day. Don't worry about it."

God bless him. He tried. And I don't have the heart to tell him that I really didn't want to hear that. The control freak in me is by now totally insane and visible.

But because I write about perspective all the time, I figured it's about time I rework the way I see things instead of just telling you to do the same.
When Ms. Pandora opened her box and played me some Regina, I reacted differently to the song.

"Some days aren't yours at all"
"Because they aren't!"

Even though I'd said those words, my light bulb didn't flicker on for a few more seconds. Then I got it. The days we're given aren't ours at all! They're all God's. He just loans them to us so that we can turn them into something productive for Him. And that's one loan you really should try NOT to default on.

So how's about it? Stop pretending that yesterday matters, that we own today, and that we're guaranteed tomorrow. Live today, and live it to love others, and love God. =]

Come Around

"Come around, come around, come around, come around to me.
There's something in between you and I.
Come around, come around, come around, come around to me."
                                                                      - "Come Around", Rosi Golan.

This song is about a girl who's love is running away. Not physically. He's not packing his bags, loading them into his truck, and driving away. He's standing in front of her, yet he's on the opposite side of the world.

Sound familiar?

Of course.
If you're honest with yourself, I'm sure that it does.
Whether we're running from people, pain, responsibilities, or our wonderful Lord, I know you've been there. As a human being, instinct tells us to protect ourselves from danger or pain. And a lot of times, we have to face things that put our hearts and sanity at risk. It's simply the way life goes.

We lose someone. We get sick, or a family member gets sick. We realize the truth. We realize what Obama means by "recession". We run from the past. Circumstances and situations test our faith and strength every day. Some more than others. Some, we can recover from. But others, we ignore.

When we ignore an issue, it becomes clutter in our hearts, minds, and souls. It eats at us. And slowly, we can let things destroy us, and our walk with God. It's a terrible state to be in. You not only turn from your family and friends, but you also turn your back on God. You question everything. You lose all potential happiness. You become cold, and hard-hearted. We lose focus on what matters. You hurt EVERYONE around you. Why would we let ourselves continue that walk?

Because it hurts. Terribly.
What ever we ran from, we now have to embrace and accept it. But the thing is, we don't have to face it alone. If we do, it will run us over. And the result will look like Optimus Prime vs. Peter Cottontail. It will be nasty.
Alcoholics, addicts, cheaters. They are often called runners. That isn't always true. They are really people who turned around, and faced their hurt. That's great! Way to go! A step like that takes some serious courage. However, they did it alone. And look what happened. The got their long ears and fluffy tails annihilated by something deep inside themselves. So what can we do differently?

Remember that wonderful Lord I mentioned earlier?
Really?
Good.
Because we're about to talk about Him.

When things hurt, we often turn away from God. When in reality, we should be running TO Him. He's our creator. Our savior. Our king. He loves us, and only wants the best for us.

But that's easier said than done. I know that. We want to fix it. We feel responsible, so we exhaust every avalible sourse before we turn to God. And by then, we've made an even bigger mess than we started in.
This nonsense could have all been avoided if we'd only run TO God, or a strong friend, or anyone!

So if you have a problem (and who doesn't?), don't run. Come around. To your family, your friends. But most importantly, God Almighty. let Him walk you through it. You can't do this. You and God, however, have got this covered. =]

Perspective

"You can't see anything new until you change where you stand." -Prisoner of Hope: Allie Moss.

I adore this song so much. And how true is that? So many of us get stuck in a rut, in which we get nice and comfy. And there's nothing wrong with that. I'll be the first to admit that I snuggle up in my rut with some hot coco and my Kindle in hand. I'll read a couple chapters, drink up, and move on. And it makes for much happiness. =]
However, the trouble comes when we refuse to flick off the Kindle, and sit until the coco gets cold. When we refuse to move on, to change it up a little, to look around, we get into trouble. We can't always see the was we effect the lives of those around us. We may be hurting someone, but be so comfortable with our life, that we don't see it. We might be totally missing the bigger picture because all we can see is page 224 of Water for Elephants. And if we stay too long, we may look up, and realize that the snowflakes are gone, and the daffodills are already wilting. And we've missed it. The baby is now potty trained, and your Hannah Montanna- loving darling is now driving. We can miss soooo much because we're so cozy.
Every now and then, we need to stand up and stretch. To look around and see all God has given us. To see the hearts of our loved ones, and the heart that beats in out own chest. We all need to climb up out of out rut. Or at least to dig in another direction.

Thoughts.

I just want to throw it out there that this is my first blog. I'm a little unsure of a few things.
1. Should my blog have a topic?
         - Julie from "Julie and Julia". Her blog had a topic. She documented her cooking experiences. I'm not so sure if I'll do anything like that.
Maybe I'll just document my life.
2. How do I get this out there? I see the people who get famous for their blogs. I enjoy fame. 15 minutes? No, thank you. More like 15 years, please. =]

So I think I'll just document my life. Vent, tell stories, and the like.
But one thing's for sure. I want this blog to mean something. To anyone. Even if it's just me. I want to do something with my life, and I'll take everyopportunity I can find to make a positive (+) difference in this slowly-spinning world. Somehow, some way, I'll do it. 
So stick that in your juice box and suck it! =]
Have a great day . ♥